i finished watching 5th episode of season 2 of prison break on my tablet at 2 sumthin in the morning.. realised that i havent performed isyak prayer.. felt a bit guilty for having yet to perform my duty, to submit myself to God.. why eh we always take things for granted.. i tried to sleep, managed to go into it for half and hour, i was awake again.. i dont feel at ease, there is no sense of tranquility.. i need that peace of mind feeling.. i need to solat then, hope God will give me what i need.. some more i need his blessing, dont we all..

i realised that i m always away from my mother n family, with reason that i wanna stay close to my workplace i.e. KL city centre.. i chose to stay in ulu kelang instead of staying at my sis' house together with her family n my mum.. mum chooses to stay with her as she feels comfortable staying under the same roof with her only living daughter.. i had two sisters and one passed away in 97 suffering from stroke, she was paralysed for quite sometime.. i cuden remember exactly how long that was.. i was at that time just back from my studies overseas.. oh ya, back to my realisation, i think i need to be close to mum while she's still alive.. n kicking eh :p .. i dun want to repeat what has happened to dad.. we were never close, he was too garang or "cenge".. hehe, i dunno what slang that is, but that's the best description of him.. but he was being "cenge" for a reason, he wanted us all to be disciplined according to his way of doing things.. oh ya, abt my dad, we had opportunity to get close to him a month before his passing.. we managed to persuade him to come n stay in bangi as he needed medical attention, as mum alone cuden handle him.. all of my siblings of 4 lives in klang valley, from sg buluh in the north to salak tinggi in the south.. we had that slightly more than a month valuable moments with dad.. he was just suffering from the old age sickness.. thankful to God that all my siblings are so caring n curteous to father.. i'm happy that we can still manage to care for each other, albeit there r occasions where some of us might be having difference of opinion..

i have a house in genius earring but to stay there alone is pointless.. it makes me feel lonelier... i tried to stay there alone, n managed to do it.. but ever since i started to spend most of the nites at my sis' place when i was tasked to take care of my father when he was sick, i'd become accustomed to staying with family.. it's kinda fun n fulfilling to have people around u day n nite.. i have a 5 yrs old niece who always talk to me.. she's so close to me to the extent that she always says that i smell so nice even though i was actually still in my office attire which was worn from the morning.. hehe.. she talks a lot, asks too many questions n is so cute n pretty.. and i guess i need to have a family of my own.. soon :)

i tried to stay with friends at some rented houses/apartments in KL but i dont feel like i belong to that environment anymore.. the thing abt living with frens is that, u r part of them if u join them, in whatever they do.. otherwise, u wont blend in well.. i know most of them few years back, i can have trust in them.. but it seems that what i want to do n what they want to do now are different.. it seems that my values n priorities have changed.. coz of this, i dont see much points of staying with them, not to say that i dont wanna be close to them anymore, but i guess i need a new environment.. erm, i guess i need to switch back to my sis house as my base instead of the CDO in melawati.. hehe.. u see, i am leading a nomadic life.. i can choose to either go back to genius earring, cdo, djc, prince village or bbb... n i think starting from now, the base has to be bbb..

i have 3 exams lining up for me in 2008, and all these require great commitment from me.. exams for SC licencing in mar n apr, and the toughest of all is CFA exam in dec. i need major change in how i manage my time n people around me.. change is inevitable.

i wish for God's blessing.. i cant sleep tonite so i write this blog.. for no reason.. i am not asking people to read this but at least, i can let it out to my blog.. huhu, what difference does it make? i dunno, but somehow i feel a bit relieved.. as a conclusion.. i m seeing my mum tomorrow, which is today as it's already 3.37 a.m. :p..

nite to all.. take care..

i had a bad dream last nite. woke up early today at 5.40.. in that dream, i visited a place that i am not supposed to be at.. yet, i didnt do it coz none of them is my type.. and yet, somebody from my neighbourhood sorta know abt me being there, n it has become the talk in town.. my nephew somehow backs me on this.. and i later opened my eyes.. there goes my weird dream..



i am now an anti social person.. i like to claim myself as one so that i dont need to provide lengthy reason n justification if i decide not to join any activities that my friends ask me to join. hehe, it works fine so far. if i have the mood to go out, then i go, otherwise i'll just stay at home watching downloaded Heroes, Prison Break n Weeds. they're addictive ok. huhu.. ni dah kena pengaruh tv nih.. it's great that when Astro is showing season 1 of prison break, u'll get to watch the latest episode of season 3, thanks to Unag, streamyx and torrent. hehe.. the new realm of reality.. i dont need to be a sucker for tv anymore.. i mean i dont need to wait fot the story to be aired at predetermined time, i just turn to my laptop at my own convenience..

enuff rojak for today - weird dream, Intan careline n anti social. adios.

...matter is only an illusion.. we live in the world of perceptions.. we have never been in contact with material world.. everything we thought we experienced took place only in our minds.. any "external world" is only a response created in our brain by electrical signals..